Leadership is getting results in a way that inspires trust. The means are as important as the ends. How you go about achieving results is as important as the results themselves, because when you establish trust, you increase your ability to get results the next time. And there’s always a next time. To get things done in ways that destroy trust is not only shortsighted and counterproductive; it is ultimately unsustainable. Sir Ernest Shackleton said, "Even to win the game is not the chief end. The chief end is to win it honourably and splendidly.” 
 
 
    From time to time, lobsters have to leave their shells in order to grow. They need the shell to protect them from being torn apart, yet when they grow, the old shell must be abandoned. If they did not abandon it, the old shell would soon become their prison—and finally their casket.
    The tricky part for the lobster is the brief period of time between when the old shell is discarded and the new one is formed. During that terribly vulnerable period, the transition must be scary to the lobster. Currents gleefully cartwheel them from coral to kelp. Hungry schools of fish are ready to make them a part of their food chain. For a while at least, that old shell must look pretty good.
    We are not so different from lobsters. To change and grow, we must sometimes shed our shells—a structure, a framework—we’ve depended on and move on to better and greater things. And one day we will look back and laugh at the so-called security of the old shell and thank Providence for giving us the opportunity to drop our old shells and grow.

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I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better.

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There are frequent times of upheaval and unexpected events in everyone’s lives, and that’s just part of life. Change is an ongoing process. It’s not as if you’ll make it through one period of turmoil and uncertainty and it will never happen again. Circumstances around you will continue to change and you will have to keep adjusting.
 
 
    To be an effective leader, you have to have some "notches in your belt," so to speak. You have to have gone through some very deep, serious testing, because that's what gives you substance in the spirit. You can't help others in a deep way unless you've trudged in the sludge of life‚ basically, and had to really fight to get through.    
    There is no easy fix. All there is, is life and its difficulties and tests and trials. But you come through them; it's not like those trials are a permanent condition. You pass through them and you come out the other side with substance in the spirit. You become someone who really understands.
    These intense battles and experiences are “the deep mines of the spirit”. That's where you gain the most precious lessons, the most valuable experience. That's where you gain the perspective on life that makes you humble‚ compassionate, wise, and mature.
    The difficulties make you into something that you weren't before. They add to the substance, the deep substance, the core substance of your being, of your spirit.
    Going through the wringer of life is absolutely key to becoming the kind of person God needs you to be—whether you're a leader, parent, teacher,—or all of the above.
    It's these terrible, hard, trying experiences that make you into good parents, good spouses, good leaders; these things give you the love and the understanding and humility to be a good person.
    Don’t fear the difficulties because they're making you what you are. They're the spiritual courses that are going to give you a master's degree or a doctorate. These things that you're going through are what will qualify you to be a wiser, better person.
    There is a payoff for going through those deep‚ dark, hard experiences that sometimes take years to make it all the way through, or sometimes you go through one thing after another for years in a row. You might not see the payoff now, but you'll see it down the line.
    When you are in the middle of going through these things, it's hard to see beyond each one. It's so in your face, it's so hard, it's so difficult. But you should try once in a while to remember that, "I'm going to come through this and I'm going to be better for it." Because you will be. There is an end to every battle.
--By Peter King